My Dad………The Real Hero Of My Life

My early memories of my life are full of lovely images of my dad. Handsome, tall, disciplines, happy and so gentle! Now after so many long years, nothing has changed -- neither the way I look up to him nor the way he take care of me and my sisters.

My dad has always been an epitome of all that a man should be...compassionate, tough, strong, gentle, firm, decisive, understanding and above all a man of values.

He always put others happiness before his, thus gaining so much love and respect not just from us but from other members of the family, neighbors and his colleagues.

Ours is a conservative family where a girl child is not welcome with open hands. He had always shown the same measure of happiness at the birth of all his four daughters. For him we are his gems and 'peace to his eyes.

Today whatever I am is just because of him. He has supported me and my sisters in all possible way which I don’t find amongst other members of the family. He understands us like no one. Just a “hello” on the mobile phone can make him realize what I am going around. No matter what I can never repay him the love and care he has devoted on all us.

Today I strive to be the strength of his shoulders because I am proud to be my dad's daughter. Love you dad...need you always.

It’s all in words...

Today, when I woke up in the morning, I felt relaxed and a different kind of happiness. At times, some petty things just seem to make our day and we don’t have an idea about it. These may be so trivial to us yet we experience some untold happiness and we possibly try to spread this happiness throughout the day. This morning I spoke with one of my sister with whom I was having some problems for quite some time. But today, I felt that things are going to be right soon.

When I spoke to her I could feel the warmth of her loving words, her enticing voice and the love and care she have for me. It wasn't as if spoke to her at length but our short conversation has undoubtedly left an impression in my mind. The feel good factor certainly made its presence felt. Here a big role is played by the words she and I used while communicating with each other.

Our elders have always advised us to use words judiciously. Words which work wonder at very place need some careful placement. But the flip side is if used unnecessary or in excess brings unwanted sorrow. In this mechanical world where we all are rushing a few loving words gives great consequences. An enthusiastic pat, a loving gesture, a warm hug, a benevolent smile indeed does make a difference. Mellowing down even the harshest words helps any fragile relationship turn into rock solid.

At this moment, some words of a famous band are striking my mind, - “it’s only words and words are all I have to take your heart away". And the deep meaning of these words is so true. Try it... The words you use to express yourself say more about you than you think. In fact, your vocabulary and the use of appropriate words say more about you than the message you are trying communicate. You are judged by the words you use.

My English teacher in school used to tell us that “words are not just sounds that we make, or inanimate objects to toss around, but words carry emotions, memories and evoke feelings. Before uttering a word, it’s important to question every word that er use and how someone can interpret them.” Today, I have really understood the meaning behind it.

So, remember it’s all in words and so use it in a precise manner.

Why Such A Loneliness Feeling.............

I feel lonely even if I am amidst a huge crowd of people. It makes me feel crying, but this is not the solution. There is no one who understands me and since few months every single word uttered by me is molded in a different way. This is creating lot of problems in keeping healthy relationships with my counterparts. I feel like screaming so loud, in hope that the loneliness and sadness will go away; in hope that everything will be normal as soon as possible. There is so much to do but so little desire to do them. I just want to stay at home, in bed, watch movies, read some good books, cry, eat chocolates and sit idle.

I don't want to get used to it. But the pain of being lonely is simply hard to describe. I'd rather live without it then live like this forever. I simply hate when people ignore me as if I don’t even exist and I don’t have an identity. Well, it’s not the first time someone ignores me and I can bet on my life that it won't be the last. But if this is what makes people around me happy….then let it be. I have changed or others have…I don’t have any answer to this question…but always remember contribution will always be there from both ends for any defined problem.

Nowadays I don't want to go out with my friends. Is that bad? It's just that I don’t feel like going and I don’t understand what the big deal about it is? If I choose to walk away from them...then there will be some reasons behind it. Hate me if you want, but I'm just being honest.

I hate feeling those feelings. I really do. It's not fair. I wish all my friends the best of everything and I know they will be always close to my heart. Guys...why do you walk away from me and why this indifferent behavior? That's my theory. I wish I knew the truth.

I really feel lonely. I'm going to work now and sulk for a while, perhaps days, weeks, months or for ever...who knows.

I'm feeling homesick.................

It's a funny feeling, being homesick, and it's not something that I'm used to.

As it has been years I am staying away from home and so am quite accustomed to live all alone. My parents came to visit me last weekend, and I enjoyed every single second with them. Four days were full of happiness and I wish such days will come soon.

And as they left for Guwahati today, I'm experiencing my first real pangs of homesickness. I guess it's because I'm just back to the boring corporate life and there is nothing more than work and work only…While I was coming to office I had the idle time to think about home…..how things were different some few years back. At that time I used to feel so secure under the company and guidance of my parents. But now every single decision I have to take on my own.

I miss Guwahati city like freaking crazy. I haven't been home in so long I feel so disconnected. Thoughts of the wonderful days are totally overwhelming my mind. I just want to be back there, in my own room, sharing moments with my siblings, watching nature from close proximity, enjoy rain on and often, hanging out in parking lots at night, reconnecting with my loved ones………... I never stop missing Guwahati, ever. It's a special place that I can never forget. It's not only my hometown as I feel such a strong connection to those mountains, the culture, and the people.

In fact, my experience of feeling homesick was a feeling of wanting to be somewhere other than where I am now, just for a little while. I wanted to be close to my family and have fun with some old friends. My first thought was that perhaps it is familiarity that I miss, and then I started to wonder if there was something uncomfortable in my life that I want to get away from. Why was it that I had been feeling perfectly happy and then I had felt homesick?

Amidst all these emotions, I have realized that I was dwelling on the past and fantasizing about the future and as a result I was not enjoying where I am today. But now onwards….there will be nothing like this.

Great Expectations……….

Too many expectations always cause problems. And remember you don't always get what you expect. Having expectations from our close counterparts is quite common and I am even not an exception in this regard. I am not sure whether my expectations are genuine or not. But as far as expectations are concerned, I am sure no one has a control over it.

Having a number of expectations from others such as friends, siblings, parents, colleagues and others is not something new for me. I have been brought up that way. Having great expectations sounds great however when the expectation is unfulfilled, I become disappointed. This is a common problem for many.

For example say, if I expect you to do a thing in a certain way and the concerned person doesn't show up that way for me, I will most likely be disappointed. Another disappointing thing about expectations is that they often do not come true. Most of the time, a person is not aware of the expectations one is having from him or her. Expectations are in the eye of the beholder. Can you see the problem?

Never give yourself away in any type of relationship. By "give yourself away," I mean making sacrifices that conflict with what you need from out of that relationship. Never sacrifice your own personal integrity with regard to getting your needs met. The healthier image you have of yourself, the less likely this will occur.

Needs must be communicated and that too in a direct mode. Expectations are rarely ever communicated. Once you make the other people realize your expectations, things can be better in life. I think this is the only way to have healthy relationships.

In my opinion, unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. Try this: "No expectations, fewer disappointments!" It's that simple. Not easy. Simple.

Friends

I am not good at writing poems but at times I try to be poetic.......This particular poem is for my friends who complete my life in a lot many ways...

Friends
 
One day when you feel alone or whenever you miss me
Remember I’m at the end of a phone
Just give a call and I will be there beside you always
I love you loads
And that must show
I want to let the entire world to know
I have a friend that is you
I love you for all you do
And love and care I have experienced from you
Bearing all my tantrums when I was going through
Some of the toughest days of my life
You helped me through anger,
you've chased away fears.
You held me through sadness,  
Telling me you care for me and I even mean a lot to you
Sharing all small and big, sad and happy moments
Have helped in getting some of the best days in my life
Thank you friend you mean a lot to me
Maybe now I will get to realize
How much you mean to me

Its Time to Move Forward

As time moves on, we meet new people and get acquainted to a new environment. Looking back at the road, I realize there are so many things that I am habituated to and without them life becomes meaningless. I remember that April of 2008, when I joined a new company and now here after two whole years it is time to bid goodbye. But in this whole excitement, there is something that is holding me back.

These two years working in the same company establishes foundation for my future, here I learned a lot, have made some life long friend and of course have spend some of the best days of my life. However, I'm always by my self, trying to spread happiness everywhere. Even though I am happy for myself, I cannot help from recalling the past, the good and bad memories, the fun moments, memories that can be cherished life long.

Regardless of everything, I have made up my mind and its time to leave. In my heart, everything around me seems tormenting, it's such a dilemma, struggles and tears blew my mind to stick to my decision. However, I ironically try to trust my instincts and believe that future will be good.

I just realized how important it is to be happy!

A Typical Weekend............

Just getting ready for the weekend.........and lots of plans have been chalked out. On Friday, you feel refreshed and excited as there are so many things to think of apart from office work. The good thing is I don't have to wake up with noisy sound of my alarm clock. I can sleep luxuriously on Saturdays and Sundays.

At least I need 3 to 4 hours to clean my room, wash clothes and cook something nice. After that the whole time is dedicated to my friends. I can spend hours with them without getting bored. But now I just wish the resplendent sun give ways to clouds so that the weather becomes pleasant for a great outing. The scorching heat of the sun spoils the mood. In this way winter days were better...at least the weather used to be more pleasant.

One thing that I look forward to during weekends is going out with my friends. The reason can be anything...just to hang out, shopping venture or trying some new junk food. Speaking of junk foods, I must say that Delhi is blessed with all types of junk foods that one can think of. My favorite one is “'golgappas'. It almost salivates every tongue and I bet anyone would find it irresistible. Street side delicacies such as chats, tikkis, nimbu pani, kulfi, roll, and so on over the years have attained acceptance and popularity without losing its sheen. After paying obeisance to hygiene, people just keep on enjoying one junk food delicacy after another. Some prefer spicy ones while others don't, yet the love for these junk foods is perhaps irrepressible.

Even if you try to make these junk foods at home, it will never taste like one that you can get from the market. Taste can never be substituted but still the joy in making a dish for your loved ones gives immense pleasure. Well, I hope this weekend brings some good memories to cherish.

Life In a Metro City

Conversations with my mother invariably end with the questions, "How long will you be in Delhi?" or “When are you planning to return to Assam?”. The worry in her voice makes me feel as if people here are holding me at gunpoint or someone is going to kidnap me. Since I have been away from my family for quite some years, the question comes up regularly from my mother. She feels I am living a very “LONELY” life here and the life in Guwahati is better for me.

Life in Assam and Guwahati cannot be compared at all. While back home, life is very slow and peaceful, here is Delhi there is always a rush to meet one task or other. Life in Delhi is recognized by its skyscrapers, famous tourist spots, monuments, India Gate, means of communication, shopping malls, the dress sense of the people and the various facilities it provides for entertainment and recreation. But life in a Delhi is hectic.

There is hustle- bustle everywhere, right from the early hours of the morning till late into the night. I find myself always on my toes completing one task and moving towards the other. Life here is so busy........ that I barely have time left to think about other things. Well, the pressure is reduced by the comforts and luxuries that can be found only in Delhi. And some lovely friends are there in the company of whom, time passes away like the way ice-cream melts under the sun. To say, I am privileged with technology, modernization, open-thinking, etc that did not exist in my life few years ago. Delhi has given me space and a feeling of freedom that is hard to describe. I got to know myself in a better way.

Delhi has many charms of its own, though there are some drawbacks too. But today, I just want to focus on the good things only. Even I love my hometown a lot, I still prefer to live to live in a city because it offers me the opportunities to fulfill my wishes and make my dreams come true.

My Hometown ----Its Heaven For Me

Well, today I was talking to one of my friends and we started naming things from our hometown. That got me thinking about some of the beautiful things that I miss from my hometown “Guwahati”. I often look back to the days of my growing up period........... all those many years ago. The first thing that strikes my mind about my hometown is the peaceful serenity that can be felt in every nook and corner of the city. It is a land where you find flowers that are exquisitely beautiful, animals that are rare, and people from different communities who are friendly, hospitable and ready to help. People here appreciate cleanliness and you can feel it in every part of the city.

Here nature is at its best.....the hills, trees, flowers, flowing rivers, the streams, tea gardens, coconut trees, long rainy season, small houses, muddy roads......and so on. But what I really miss the most, are the different food items which are not that good in Delhi. I would like to list down a few of them like the juicy momos with crystal clear soup, rolls, pitha, nadu, pan cakes and the list goes on.

I still crave for the many great friends and memories that we shared in the quaint and close knit community. It's funny how some people come into your life and just as quickly, they leave. And yet, they don't go without giving you something in return; a lesson learned, a talent achieved, a memory of sweetness. There are so many of such people there in my hometown whom I still want to meet but never get the time.

I really miss Guwahati. It is obvious because I have spent great many beautiful years of my life there.

Missing Rainy Days.............

Today, when I called up my father at home, he sounded a bit frustrated. The reason being the rainy days which has been happening for the last one week. Needless to say it didn't make me happy...as here in Delhi I wish the weather would have been the same. Making a grumpy face and cursing the hot weather of Delhi, I started for the day.

Memories of rainy days of my childhood are close to my heart. Rain in Assam means heavy downpour, hailstorm, water drenched roads, and a pleasant temperature. Rain reminds me of so many things especially of the hailstorms. When I was small, I used to collect hailstorms whenever there used to be one. It was sheer excitement for me and my younger sisters to collect and play with them. We used to collect those and throw at each other and simply loves the way it used to melt down in our small hands. My mother never used to stop us and today I realize how much fun it was. Well, how can I forget the hot delicacies that my mother used to prepare only during the rainy days. One of my favorites were the hot “PAKODAS”.

Nowadays I look forward for a day when I can open the window to feel a few drops of rain on my hand. Or can go in the market with my best friend under one single umbrella, quarreling half the time to prevent our self from getting drenched. And those colorful and stylish umbrellas.........which you simply can't find in the whole of Delhi. Every year, I used to buy a new umbrella in a more vibrant color and more stylish then the current one.

I really wonder if I will still enjoy the rainy days, but my love for rain has surely undergone a change.

Need Freedom From This Monotonous Life!

Life has become monotonous, and boredom has taken a permanent place in my life. I live free by the standards of most of the people I know. I don't enjoy the work I do, don't enjoy cooking which I usually used to like, don't like to go out with friends, shopping does not excite me, don't enjoy long conversation with my mom on phones and the list goes on. Is something wrong with me? Or it is just some of the symptoms of the changing phase that I am currently experiencing in my life. I don't have the answers or you can say I don't want to find the clues.

At times, I start thinking on a particular topic and after some time I realize that my thoughts have gone leaps and bounds. Even though, I am amidst the company of some of my closest friends, I feel lonely inside. I want to be myself. But before that need to work out on where I have gone wrong and why I am experiencing such changes.

With no comfort from the closed ones, who actually lack the intelligent understanding required to talk about things the way I want it to be. Here I am now, writing a new post in hopes that some supreme wisdom will just push me to the edge and I will get the answers to all my unanswered questions.

I simply want freedom from the monotonous life I am living. May be shifting to a new city, changing job, or finding myself in a new social circle will lift up my MOOD.

Confused on what to write!

It sounded a bit whimsical, especially to me when I finally decided to start my own blog. Well, it is something that I was thinking for quite some time. In fact, starting a blog of mine is one of my resolutions for the NEW YEAR. Blogging for many is to galvanize one thoughts about something and share it with the world...But then a question struck my mind, what do I write about? Will it not be a good idea to start writing a dairy instead? Do I really want to open up my heart for others to read? Or do I seriously wish to share my inner thoughts and feelings with others. Well, I am confused.

Its been quite sometime when I truly wrote something apart from writing for earning my bread and butter. To placate my mind I thought to start with something in general which need not be something very particular in nature.

Sitting in front of my laptop and and sipping a cup of tea which I rarely make for myself, I realize that curiosity is perhaps a part of sustenance for life. People think so much and on varied topics. They think about food, they think about culture, they think about future, love, friendship and the list goes on. They think and think & quite strangely now I am also doing the same. Thinking about something or about someone brings so many things closer and till the time I think of something which is worth sharing let me finish my cup of tea. I perhaps get some more to think about and post something in an adroit manner.